Sleep

Every morning I wake up around 4:30 ish. I sit in bed and think of: to do lists, my work, Ry's work, the children, friends and what if's. In all these areas there are issuses. Some I am able to fix and some I have to let take its course. Problem is I am a fighter by nature. I just want to tell those individuals how I really feel about them. I can't stand watching family and friends being hurt, used, manipulated and taken advantage of.  I hear things that people say to friends, I hear things people threat to my family and I hear things people assume of me. I know those words aren't directly said to me  and can often get lost in translation.So I have to step back and hope for the best.  I do  know if spoken to me directly in those tones or with those actions it would be hard to get over it so I sympathize with them.I know I have to be the shoulder to cry on and the crutch when support is needed.
 I admitt I  have been overwhelmed in how to control my thoughts. So lately I have been really praying for those individuals who have hurt me and others I love. I have to think that maybe their hearts will be softened and they will be mindful of their actions. Its taken so much out of me not to call them up or write them a letter. I can see this is my challenge to be forgiving and to forget. People have weaknessess and those can't define someone's true nature.  I have to be able to see them through Heavenly Fathers eyes. I have to know that doors will close but others will open. I have to be able to be grateful for all the things I have in my life, so that those small instances seems irreleveant in the grand scheme of things. I may not be strong  and forgving like this everyday so bear with me  cause I might just might act like Michael from last weeks episode of the Office called Nepotism. MIchael is Dealing with the situation by bending over his nephew and spanking him...this would be great at times.
So  I may lash out with words from time to time but I am trying.
So here is to controlled thoughts:
I am alive. I am have a great family, close and afar. I have in laws leaving for their mission in Figi. I have blessed to have work this year. I have a husband who serves and is worthy of his priesthood. I have an autistic child that is progressing every week. I have a daughter who is showing me what true patience is. I have made some really good friends this year.  I Have The Gospel.