Memory Funk

My friend Rebecca always inspires me with her blogs. I either laugh, cry or get worked up wanting to stand by her and Fight..Well today she wrote a blog about a Glimpse of her former self
http://jonsrebecca.blogspot.com/2009/12/glimpses-of-former-me.html   and here is my response.
I too ask myself where did I go?  I never made menus or sewed but I was different. I have to say there are soo many things I love about myself now that I would never change...but some things I still long for.
I was super organized. I never liked hoarding things,everything had a place. My closet was organized by color and by style. My bed was made everyday and my refrigerator was organzied. I still do a little organizing but keep it to four times a year. I do a winter clean out, spring clean out, summer and fall clean out. I still love to rearrange  my room like every other day. Some how though day to day pick up and paper organization went right out the window.  Now I just search for friends closets or rooms I can organize.
I was ACTive. I  went to the park and jogged the trails with my dog. I burned lots of calories. I loved going out dancing. I was up for anything. Wanna go on a hike and then just sit and talk..that was me. Wanna jump off a bridge just to see if you could..sure. Wanna go camping and have racoons try to get in your tent..sure just point me to the port a potties. (Notice my Southern slurring of words coming back.wanna) Now it aches me to even think of camping outdoors. WHy would I endanger my life and jump off something to prove a point. I am 30lbs over weight. Fear of what? Feeling better.. Maybe fear of that image consuming me. I was confident but with that came many challenges that I don't want to experience now.

I took time Getting Ready. I would spend about two hours getting ready. I would sit on the floor music playing doing my makeup, hair then change outfits like ten times. I walked out and got attention. MOst of all I felt pretty. NOw I shower at night, let my hair airdry, use the curls from sleepy head and make a style. Mascara goes on my thin sparse eyelashes which fall, and I don't think I own lipstick.
I feel like I am a fat girl trapped in an average girl body.  Its like that show Cougar Town she pinches things on her body and says where the hell did that come from.
I said what I meant. Now with this one I think I have been a little refined. If you were acting stupid, I just told you. If you were bothering me, I just told you. Now I hold it in and explode but still tell you or I find better words. Although if you are customer service I usually revert back to my old ways.
NOw I am cautious which I find to be a good thing. I listen to others (sometimes, I just tune out) I know people's intentions, I mentor, I love serving, I cook and plan ahead, I budget, teach my kids, I have more girlfiriends that I like, I am using my talents, Imake better choices, I read my scriptures, I love children for a few hours, I know who I am and what I need to do.
 I just need to get my groove back. How Alma got her groove back in theaters this spring.